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Sunday, January 10, 2010

Being Honest

Jealous. I have to admit I am. I miss my mom and dad. I would like to have Chris' parents closer. I would like this for me, but also for Lorelei, as she grows and changes each day. I must admit the real reason: I am jealous of the support some people have with a little one in their life. I am jealous of people being able to spend some time with their spouse without having to pay a babysitter. I am not just cheap but Chris and I both feel so guilty when we leave her. Not just guilty for leaving her but because she is sometimes hard to deal with. J Lorelei is intense. Lorelei is strong willed. Lorelei is a joy and we don't want to miss a minute.

Chris and I went to go see a movie in July when Miki was staying with us and offered to watch her…this was monumental as Lorelei was still in the no bottle stage as we hadn't yet discovered the Barbie bottle and its two ounces of freedom. In September Mom and Dad paid for a babysitter from afar so we could take Grandma out for her 60th wedding anniversary. That is the extent of our outings out sans child.

Now, I must be honest that it is also a schedule issue. Chris works third shift and I work first so we only get to spend Wednesday and Thursday evenings together. And we do desire to not be running around on our two nights we get to spend together but to snuggle in at home and talk and watch movies and just get caught up on life and each other.

I just had to say that sometimes…not all the time… but sometimes when I hear people saying that their mom came over to watch their baby and they got to go to a movie or lunch with their hubby I sometimes feel the momentary jealousy. Sometimes, on the other hand, I am overwhelmed with pride of my husband and how he is such a good Daddy and how we have done this all by ourselves. And I know that we are where we are supposed to be. I know that we are supporting my parents in their occupation overseas by being where we are. And I have peace. Thank you Heavenly Father for always being here and there.


Jessica said...

Hey! I know we haven't been in touch in quite a few years since twitter, blogging, and Facebook reunited us, but seriously- if you are ever in need of a babysitter PLEASE let me know!

You don't have worry about leaving her with a total stranger or paying someone. I can't promise I am always available, but if we are going to be home anyway you and Chris could go out and at least have a dinner together.

Charlotte would ADORE playing with her and I am all set up for babies- I watch 2 year a few days a week and my cousin's one year on occasion.

At least keep me in mind if there was every an emergency and you get stuck in a pinch. I will send you my phone number on FB.

TwinMint said...

I know it must be really hard to be somewhat isolated like that.

A small consolation: at least you don't have any extra guilt from depending on your family too much.

Lame, I know, but trying to help out. :)

Annie said...

Dawn, I loved reading that insight into your mind! (that sounds kinda creepy...lol) Seriously, though... jealousy strikes me too (as we ironically discussed tonight). Something that has been a consolation to me is the fact that the very thing I'm jealous of in other people usually has a negative effect for them sometimes. For example, people with super involved families probably may have too much family "help" sometimes... or all the involvement may cause problems down the road if the family is separated. I'm sure it's rough, but I pray that Roo and I can start out our marriage in a "leave and cleave" scenario like yours and Chris's situation. I think sometimes the things that frustrate me most can be the biggest blessings.

Lisa said...

I know just what you mean, Dawn. We, too, live far away from our families and don't have the ease of dropping Sophie off with Grandma for a stress-free run to the grocery store or a date night.

Sophie is almost two and I have just recently started leaving her with a sitter once every few weeks. I always look at it like, "I worked so hard to get her here, why do I want to leave her with someone else?"

Don't worry about that jealousy. It's a normal response in such a stressful situation.

Jessica said...

While my parents aren't a world away like yours, I do understand (somewhat) where you're coming from. Luke and I are having a hard time making ourselves go to Sunday School functions where we have to find a sitter when we can't remember the last time we went on a date was! I have been lucky enough to have my sis watch J a few times, but the times we've hired someone are so rushed to get back so we don't have to spend so much--and we STILL end up paying $50 a night! I miss my husband. Fortunately, J is getting big enough that we feel we may be ready to hire a teenager to save $$. MAYBE.