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Friday, May 08, 2009

Two Years Ago Today

Two years ago today I was waking up from surgery. Surgery and I do not get along. I cry every time I receive anethesia. I mean everytime. When I had my wisdom teeth removed in college they had to make my mom take me out the back door so I wouldn't disturb the other patients with my uncontrollable sobbing.

Back to two years ago...after struggling with infertility for a year, I had been referred to a reproductive endocrinologist due to PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). The RE did not think I had that due to me not fitting the regular stereotype. As a result he ordered the surgery. They did a laproscopy and a hysterscopy. They found an extremely retroverted uterus and said that if I did not want to have children so badly they would have done a hysterectomy to save me the pain the uterus has always caused me. So, two days before Mother's Day I was told I would never be a mother without "help"

Chris endured three months of me taking Clomid. I say that because it made us both miserable! I gained 30 pounds, had hot flashes and was VERY moody! I had to go in several times a month for blood work and ultrasounds etc. So, after a year and a half of sruggling with infertility, taking temperatures, taking ovulation tests, timing everything Chris and I decided to stop. We wanted joy back in this part of our lives...not a science experiment. We were not closed to adoption (I being adopted myself) but the timing (and finances) were not right.

Eight months later...my stomach was hurting. Several friends suggested I take a pregnancy test. I refused for a while because they had been so hard on me in the past. If I had really thought there was a chance (not that I didn't think God could do it...I just was trying to be content if he had called us to be childless) I would have waited for Chris. If I had not been so overwhelmed I would have thought of some special way to tell him. Instead I call him while he is working and ask him calmly if I could tell him something. Then the sobbing and laughing. From both of us. I don't think he wrote one ticket that day. I think he pulled people over just to tell them the news.

Now I sit here with my sweet little girl in her sling sighing sweetly in her sleep. I know God is good. I know He is good, even if He chose to never bless us with a child. I know He is good in infertility. I am glad He chose this for us though.

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